Sometimes we have to be our own rescuer. We have to move past the belief a Knight on a white stallion will rescue us from our predicament. Memories of my childhood were filled with conflict, two different worlds that I had to sort out in my young and impressionable mind. I remember happy times with my paternal grandparents who were devout Catholics and remember a few birthday parties and a Christmas celebration at their house along with my aunt and cousins. When I was brought back home to my Jehovah's Witness (JW) mother and my soon to be baptized as a JW father who was raised Catholic, my world turned cold and lonely with presents disappearing overnight that my relatives had given to me.
When we were moving across the U.S., my grandparents gave me toys that I had played with at their home along with personal trinkets my grandmother wanted me to have that all but disappeared after we reached our new home. I was far away from any beliefs, impressions, thoughts or actions that were non-JW. As I got a bit older I questioned my mother about my disappearing gifts from my grandmother and she said she threw out all of the gifts I was ever given by my [paternal] grandparents and relatives [since they were all non-JWs], but she said that I was too old now to cry about it and I guess I was.
As a child growing up in the JW culture you quickly learn that the JW god Jehovah changed his mind every decade and everyone had to keep up with his chariot and jump when he said jump and kill yourself or a loved one, even your own infant, if they needed a potentially life-saving blood transfusion. Now Jehovah changed this policy by saying that certain blood fractions are allowed to be used in medical procedures. So, too bad if you murdered your child when it could have been saved with the blood fractions policy that was beginning to be implemented in the 1980's and 1990's with "minor" blood fractions fully allowed beginning in 2000.
We are taught that Jesus died as a ransom sacrifice for everyone on this planet yet Jehovah demands you also die for him and just be happy you will be resurrected to a paradise on earth. Oh, with a catch. All resurrected persons would be banned from getting married and having children and would walk around like an asexual zombie throughout eternity. At one point we were actually taught that we would have to bring clothes to the grave sites of our loved ones since they would be resurrected sans clothing. Somehow now the teaching is that God will provide clothes and the resurrected person will just appear running towards you. I think they dropped the grave site scenario.
Oh, Santa Claus is not real, the Easter Bunny is not real, the Tooth Fairy is not real, those kinds of things the JWs will quickly tell a child that they are fake and will destroy any bit of fun and imagination those characters might create in a child's mind. But they will not tell children that mommy and daddy will murder them if a medical emergency procedure conflicts with the edicts of the JW religious leaders and their guilt is buried by the JW church that tells them about that supposed earthly resurrection to a JW paradise.
While other children were worried about which toy they wanted at the store, as a JW child, I was constantly sitting in a chair inside a Kingdom Hall hearing about how we would be eyewitnesses to the gory mass murder of billions of people at Armageddon who refused to become JWs and that we would be arrested and thrown in jail, beaten and tortured, if we were caught preaching door-to-door which we must continue to do in disobedience of any national edict that places a ban on the JW preaching work. Countless tales of horror and JW manufactured drama were drilled into my mind from Kindergarten through to adulthood.
The JWs are a doomsday religion that provide ever-changing end dates for this current [wicked] system of things then later deny doing it.
While other children were worried about which toy they wanted at the store, as a JW child, I was constantly sitting in a chair inside a Kingdom Hall hearing about how we would be eyewitnesses to the gory mass murder of billions of people at Armageddon who refused to become JWs and that we would be arrested and thrown in jail, beaten and tortured, if we were caught preaching door-to-door which we must continue to do in disobedience of any national edict that places a ban on the JW preaching work. Countless tales of horror and JW manufactured drama were drilled into my mind from Kindergarten through to adulthood.
The JWs are a doomsday religion that provide ever-changing end dates for this current [wicked] system of things then later deny doing it.
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| For further reading, reference: http://www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/1975.php |
Constantly declaring that the end is nigh boosts their membership since many are afraid and wonder if they may be right. But, it's all manufactured lies to keep an elite group of JW religious leaders very wealthy for generations to come while amassing real estate holdings from public donations, trusts, wills, and property donations. When you expose their lies about a generation from 1914 that would never die and would live to see the destruction at Armageddon, they blame the membership for getting it wrong. They will endlessly keep you spinning on this end-times rhetoric until your own end comes. The same routine that you learned at 8 years old will be the same when you turn 80 years old. JWs are being robbed of a life, and as far as anyone knows, we have only one on this planet Earth. Don't let the JWs steal it from you and bully you into submission with their endless, ever-changing and sometimes dangerous rules and regulations.It's really a study for a psychiatrist, the Stockholm Syndrome, where you become attached to your captor, your abuser, your jailer, your kidnapper, in a twisted mind game where you think you can't escape and turns out, you don't want to escape because you have no money, no friends and no resources to move out on your own. So you become dependent on your captors who use that punishment and reward system. After your punishment you are given a sweet gift and you are so happy to be back in their good graces. Those were my JW parents; my captors. My life was inside my home, inside a Kingdom Hall, walking door-to-door in the ministry work and only allowed brief association with worldly people where recruitment had to be on my mind constantly. This strict routine bred depression, self loathing, and a victim mentality.
When I was still a very young child, I was subjected to physical punishment if I rode my bicycle past a certain point on our street where my mother couldn't watch me from her kitchen window. This resulted in a recurring nightmare where I turned that corner and continued riding my bike down a very long street with strange houses along each side and I was getting lost in the maze of the neighborhood when I spotted a strange house that I was drawn to. I left my bike on the front lawn and went inside the house. It was finely furnished with no people around with an expansive pasture in the back of the house. I was looking out the patio glass door into the backyard and saw about 20 men with shovels in their hands approaching the house looking at me and I became terrified they were going to murder me. I ran out of the house and jumped back on my bike and raced back to my home. Yes, just one of a few recurring nightmares that I had buried in my past. |
| Me at a JW district convention, which are now commonly called regional conventions since the JW leadership has to keep changing their jargon to identify opposers to their secret society. |
When I started working part-time, I developed a few friendships with non-JWs who are called "worldly" people by the JWs, who tried to be a White Knight by encouraging me to move out of my parents' house and get away from the JW religion. No, I wouldn't listen. But I did engage in endless negotiations with my captors [i.e., my parents] about taking professional horseback riding lessons which they agreed to with strict limits I had to adhere to. Plus, I could not miss any of the required JW meetings or the door-to-door ministry work. I even wore my boots and breeches under a big long skirt to the Sunday meeting since I sometimes had a horse show to get to directly after the morning meeting ended.
One time my name was printed in a small local paper that printed the results from a horse show I competed in and I won a few classes. This sent my mother into a frenzy, yelling at me that my dad would have to step down from being an Elder in the congregation [because competitive sports are forbidden by the JW church]. My mother didn't think we would be found out, that they gave me permission to ride horses and compete in horse shows. I wish I had kept that newspaper but mom threw it out as was her routine. But, dad never lost his JW Elder position and they ignored my riding accomplishments after that and simply lied to the JW Body of Elders that I had quit riding horses. I was not to speak of my riding lessons, horse shows, or anything like that to any of the JWs in our congregation. When I came back from my riding lessons or from horse shows proud of my ribbons, I was met with the silent treatment for days on end and stayed in my bedroom until it was time to come out for meals or go to work.
When I began working full-time I took a business class during the day paid by my employer and the teacher, who was about 15 years older than me, asked me out and guess what, I went. It was only lunch and I could "witness" to him, meaning I could try and count my time and preach about the JW religion and wouldn't that be great, putting all this on that mandatory field service time sheet we filled out each month and turned it in at our Kingdom Hall. That teacher tried to tell me about how dangerous the JW religion was and said I should get out.
So what happened? I failed. Yes, his words smacked right into the stone wall built inside my mind. You see, I failed at getting him interested in the JW religion. His attempts at waking me up failed and I failed at recruiting him. The teacher also worked for an Assemblyman at the State Capitol as a campaign manager and he would sometimes take me to see some of the Floor sessions and no, I never told my parents. I also worked at the State Capitol briefly and sometimes this same teacher would meet me on weekends where I lied to my parents saying it was work related. No, I wasn't dating, since that was forbidden in my household, which I will tell you more about at another time. But I finally ended this friendship with my teacher stating it was because I was a JW. Oh, and yes, I got an "A" in his class and that was the end of that.
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| Me riding my girlfriend's horse "Annie" at the barn where she was stabled. My trainer is to the very far right in the photo in jeans. I took lessons on many different horses but mainly showed Annie and won many ribbons riding her. I have regrets about not taking advantage of my wonderful days at the barn and the wonderful people I met that could have changed my life's course and freed me from the JW vortex going nowhere. |
One time my name was printed in a small local paper that printed the results from a horse show I competed in and I won a few classes. This sent my mother into a frenzy, yelling at me that my dad would have to step down from being an Elder in the congregation [because competitive sports are forbidden by the JW church]. My mother didn't think we would be found out, that they gave me permission to ride horses and compete in horse shows. I wish I had kept that newspaper but mom threw it out as was her routine. But, dad never lost his JW Elder position and they ignored my riding accomplishments after that and simply lied to the JW Body of Elders that I had quit riding horses. I was not to speak of my riding lessons, horse shows, or anything like that to any of the JWs in our congregation. When I came back from my riding lessons or from horse shows proud of my ribbons, I was met with the silent treatment for days on end and stayed in my bedroom until it was time to come out for meals or go to work.
When I began working full-time I took a business class during the day paid by my employer and the teacher, who was about 15 years older than me, asked me out and guess what, I went. It was only lunch and I could "witness" to him, meaning I could try and count my time and preach about the JW religion and wouldn't that be great, putting all this on that mandatory field service time sheet we filled out each month and turned it in at our Kingdom Hall. That teacher tried to tell me about how dangerous the JW religion was and said I should get out.
So what happened? I failed. Yes, his words smacked right into the stone wall built inside my mind. You see, I failed at getting him interested in the JW religion. His attempts at waking me up failed and I failed at recruiting him. The teacher also worked for an Assemblyman at the State Capitol as a campaign manager and he would sometimes take me to see some of the Floor sessions and no, I never told my parents. I also worked at the State Capitol briefly and sometimes this same teacher would meet me on weekends where I lied to my parents saying it was work related. No, I wasn't dating, since that was forbidden in my household, which I will tell you more about at another time. But I finally ended this friendship with my teacher stating it was because I was a JW. Oh, and yes, I got an "A" in his class and that was the end of that.
But the point is, sadly, in most cases, no White Knight can save any JW that isn't already looking for a savior. They already have to have some part of their imagination, personality and spirit awakened inside of them to respond to help from an "outsider", meaning, anyone not a baptized JW. All fully indoctrinated JWs are terrified if anyone tries to talk against their god Jehovah and will run and hide and say prayers until they are exhausted and fall asleep to drive out those wicked demons who they think are trying to rip them from this god Jehovah and his JW church.
Sometimes help from outsiders never comes. But that's okay. You can be your own White Knight and save yourself, then guess what, you can help save others. Remember what you are told in case of an emergency in an airplane? Put on your oxygen mask first and then help those around you. However, never think it's a waste of time to try and wake up a JW and bring them back to life and not live in fear of an Armageddon where only JWs will survive. It's a false story that was made up by a bunch of wealthy men calling themselves the Governing Body of JWs who are getting richer and richer with each dead and dying generation of JWs. Yes, the Governing Body of men at the JW headquarters in New York are getting rich off of your fears. Stop the fear, stop the trembling and enter a world of open possibilities. It's an adventure you will never regret as you find your own truth that is waiting to be awakened inside of you right now.
#exJW #activism
#truth #JehovahsWitnesses
#truth #JehovahsWitnesses
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