ExJW Quiet Activism: Addicted to Our Story

We can become addicted to our story. It becomes our identity. Many Jehovah's Witnesses (JWs) or people who never were JWs may wonder why there are dozens of ex-JW websites, YouTube channels, blogs and Facebook groups talking about their experiences when they were trapped inside the JW organization. I am guilty of that also, becoming addicted to my story. We all have a story to tell and I feel it is important to get it out in the public arena. It cleanses our soul while we hope it helps someone along their journey to personal freedom outside of an abusive, controlling and dangerous corporation called the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, the corporation that runs the JW religion.

The JW Body of Elders enforce the policies of the Watchtower leadership called the Governing Body who mandate its membership commit suicide and murder to praise their God Jehovah by refusing potentially life-saving medical treatments involving the use of blood, or refuse the same life-saving medical treatments for a spouse or child who can't speak for themselves in an emergency situation. It has gotten in the press recently where JW women have died during childbirth for refusing potentially life-saving medical treatments involving the use of whole blood. Babies will be murdered by its parents who are devout JWs and refuse potentially life-saving whole blood transfusions and the parents wait for a fantasyland that never comes, when they think they will be welcoming their child back to life on a paradise on earth. This is how they justify murder. Oh yes, they say blood fractions are allowed, but are they really? In any event, it will not save your life in many emergency cases.

When I was still in the organization and the blood fractions policy was introduced as being acceptable, it was under the guise that it was forced upon the JW organization or face legal consequences from refusing all forms of medical treatments involving the use of blood, aside from the fact it was considered a conscience matter. However, it was made clear to us that all true Christians [JWs believe they are the only true Christians on this planet] would refuse all forms of blood in medical treatments to ensure they would remain in good standing with the organization so their eternal souls would be resurrected in the paradise on earth that they made up to get members. The Bible provides no scenario that people die and will eventually be resurrected to a paradise on earth, providing they refused blood transfusions, oh but wait, providing also that they only celebrated the first birth of a child, providing they never participated in celebrations and customs of their birth place, and the list is endless of the caveats that might deem you unfit for eternal life on earth, remembering that the JWs believe that only 144,000 of the humans on earth are slated for eternal life in the heavens.

Yes, all JWs have suffered abuse inside the walls of the Kingdom Halls, hearing thousands of public talks about a global destruction of all nonJWs, the thousands of Watchtower and Awake magazine articles showing scenes of destruction and death in countless pictures in the JW literature. All of their literature talks about how a group of earthly men, the Governing Body's enforcers called Elders in each congregation, are empowered to kick you out of their organization if you dare question the authority of the Governing Body. These Elders are the people that have no moral code, no moral obligation and have no clue what is considered right or wrong in modern society, and look the other way when any male person of the congregation is accused of wrongdoing and they automatically blame the victims. Oh yes, as I have already related, I have seen the judicial committee meeting notes, I have read them, I know they cover up and hide the men who sin against God and against their own wives and children.

As I have talked about here on this blog, my father was an Elder for many years and was a part of many judicial committee hearings. I have known victims of child sexual abuse where they had to keep quiet or face being shunned and marked as unfit to speak to in the congregation, they are marked as having mental or emotional problems yet women who are accused of any sort of immoral conduct are quickly put on public reproof or disfellowshipped, meaning, they are evicted from the congregation and no one is allowed to speak to them and they are treated as being dead.

Why are us exJWs addicted to our story? It is a way to cleanse ourselves, clean out those horrible thoughts and memories stuck in the cobwebs of our mind and to begin replacing those thoughts with forgiveness against those who have abused us inside the organization and as in my case, abused by my own devout JW parents for many many years since I had no clue I had the power to free myself. That is how damaged many of us JWs were inside that horrendous religious group, we have no clue that we can escape at any time. That is the fear that was instilled in me since birth.

As I have related here on this blog, my parents used a system of reward and punishment. When I was allowed to go out with worldly friends to a movie, or visit a girlfriend's home, when I got home I was treated as invisible. No food was out for me on the table, dinner was already served and long gone. I tried to tell my parents about the fun I had and was met with my mother staring at her magazine and my dad watching TV. Oh yes, if I did not attend each and every JW meeting each week, if I did not make it out early Saturday mornings for the door-to-door ministry work, I would be grounded for weeks and never allowed to have any contact with the outside world, just going to school and coming straight home. When I had a job, it was the same. I was timed and they knew when I was expected home each evening. Then after my period of confinement was over, mom would hand me a small gift, normally a stuffed animal or one time it was a Raggedy Ann doll. Why didn't I walk away when I finished High School? I didn't know I could. Armageddon was coming, everyone would be destroyed so forget about college, forget about thinking about marriage and children. Everything I had was dependent upon my parents. The car I drove, the food I ate, the clothes I wore, my routine was set in stone by the Watchtower corporation and enforced by my parents. What about my paycheck? I only made a little over minimum wage at the time and about a third of that went to dad. I do have more experiences to share but that's for another time.

I have learned the importance of introducing the thought of forgiveness in my life for the Watchtower corporation, the abusive Elders in the many congregations I attended through the years, and to my parents, which is the most difficult of all since they started me on this dead end trip to nowhere that is at the center of the JW culture.

Why forgive anyone? It is a start towards cleansing our mind and heart and to lead us to wisdom. Forgiveness is based in love, love that I never had for my parents or for the JW organization. I was never taught love. I was taught that all JWs were good and we had to obey the Elders while everyone else was bad and would be destroyed at that place called Armageddon that the JW leadership get wrong every time. They believe God will bring about a Great Tribulation followed almost immediately by a global destruction of all nonJWs at the war called Armageddon. Any destruction to take place will not be dictated by the Watchtower Society.

But the important thing to remember about forgiving your abusers is that it does not mean that whatever horrible thing happened to you was okay. No, it was not okay. I am dealing with trying to forgive my abusers so that I may move past it and forgive myself for not recognizing I had a way out of that abuse. Hopefully, if you are still trapped inside the JW culture, you can look around you and see a way out. Are there friends, coworkers, or teachers that can help you? Maybe a nonJW relative you can pour out your heart to in a letter? Ask to meet with them to frankly tell them what you are going through.

If you are already out of the JW organization and free from their confines, then you need to acknowledge the trauma you have suffered inside those walls of those prison camps called Kingdom Halls and at the mandated conventions that they scheduled throughout the year that were designed to further your indoctrination and fear of the Governing Body should you entertain an independent thought or action. Yes, you have to deprogram yourself once you have left the JW organization. It's an important step, do not take it lightly.

The Governing Body of JWs hate it that you have a God-given right to free will, whether you believe in a higher power or not, you have the ability to walk away and pursue the life you were meant to live. It's not a crime, there is no penalty, the fear was placed inside of you by mere mortals here on earth that are desperate to hang onto their precious corporation that is amassing great wealth in this world the JWs believe belongs to Satan the Devil who has been cast out of heaven to the earthly realm. Oh yes, Satan must love these JWs since the corporation has only increased its bank accounts and for over a century it has thrived on this earth. The JWs concoct a story that God will destroy you if you do not obey the Governing Body no matter how many times they change the rules which are designed to keep you in fear and to stop you from helping yourself and helping others to make this world a better place. Look around, you are not alone in your struggle to break free from the JW corporation.

First, recognize that you have to "go there" and feel those emotions before you can identify the negativity that was implanted inside of you by the JW corporation and cleanse your mind, heart and soul. Your thoughts will affect your physical body and it can do severe harm to your health. If we dwell too much on our trauma, however horrible it was, you have to remember you are here now and safe, it's all in the past and you cannot change what happened to you.

When the past trauma reappears, you can say to yourself:

Okay, I understand, I have to let go of that thought and forgive myself for whatever imagined blame I place on myself. I choose to not go to that dark place again. I can now forgive. I accept that the trauma happened, I cannot change it, and I will be filled with love and be grateful I am not there anymore. I am here, safe and in control and I love looking at that beautiful sky above me. I love that little dog I see over there playing with that child. I love that beautiful flower I see in the garden.

Each time you do this, guess what, that dark place, that dark moment is dissolved.

Second, recognize that you are more than your past trauma. Stop battling inside your mind. That's why I started this blog. I needed to cleanse my heart, soul, body and mind and come to terms that yes, I had a horrible upbringing. Yes, my parents were horrible people. These are facts and what comes out of this I am hoping is forgiveness and wisdom. I have had breakthroughs, figuring out why I have had certain thoughts, images, feelings that were placed there by my programmers since birth, meaning my parents, the JW organization, the JW membership of indoctrinated drones. The Watchtower Society is damaging people as I write this.

Stop the pain, stop letting the JW organization control your every thought and action. Letting go of the trauma they inflicted will help you identify your true self. Healing is changing states, going from one version of yourself to another. You cannot hold onto trauma and heal it at the same time. Dissolve it with your own divinity; which is love.

Third, start dissolving your trauma with forgiveness and love and you will begin to realize the story is being rewritten. The other side of trauma is wisdom. It starts coming back to you as wisdom. Many of us ex-JWs have over-identified with our trauma. Even though we hate it and it's painful, we still identify with it. That's the hardest part with healing trauma. We identify with it and we have to be willing to let it go and be willing to become someone new. Meet it with acceptance and forgiveness.

What happened to you inside the JW organization, however traumatic, forgive yourself for the way you responded or dealt with other people; recognize you are greater than your past trauma, it stops the battle inside your mind and heart. Stop going back into your mind and looking for pain because you will find it. Be in this moment now and what it has to offer. Feel forgiveness and your trauma will not win; it will dissolve. If you are holding onto your past trauma, you will not heal.

Where did I get all this wisdom from? From my search for peace after finally breaking free from the JW cult. The inspiration for this blog entry came from a YouTube channel from a woman named Gigi Young. So, now it's your turn to practice some of these techniques I shared here. Don't be afraid to look at those YouTube channels, the ones that might be forbidden by the JW organization. Oh, there is a reason, it's because the fog will lift and you will see clearly, perhaps for the first time in your life that you were abused, used and crushed by a religious order of money-hungry corporate honchos who are now worth over a billion dollars while you suffer with the trauma, lies and pain they have inflicted upon you for many years, perhaps for most of your life.