ExJW Quiet Activism: Survive or Thrive?

The holiday season might bring up some sad memories for persons who have left the Jehovah's Witness (JW) organization and left close friends and family members behind. It could force you to think about actually going back to the organization just to appease family or if you want contact with them, otherwise, you will face being cut off from associating with them, perhaps forever.

For those of us who have left and choose to never return, we still might feel uncomfortable around the holidays and are afraid to celebrate them in some way. Just know that any fear that arises, comes from your years of indoctrination and rhetoric pounded into your brain that celebrating holidays is evil and you will die for it, that some "true God Jehovah" will kill you in the end. Just realizing this fundamental truth will help you with navigating the holiday season. Remember, no one has to do anything they are not comfortable with. This is a foreign belief to JWs. If you leave the JWs, it doesn't automatically mandate that you have a Christmas tree in your home, there are no rules but your own. Think about it. Suddenly, you do have free choice and can put away any religious dogma that may be haunting you or forcing you into one path or another.

First of all, if you made that life-changing decision to walk away from the JW organization forever, then you need to think about the direction you want to take in life. Did you leave behind family? Is the JW spouse gone along with any children you might have? Well, we are in the holiday season so why not drop them a friendly card wishing them well and provide them with your contact information? Obviously, you don't have to contact a spouse if the relationship did not end well, but if you have children involved, there is nothing wrong with sending them a card to let them know you are thinking about them and love them. I realize your spouse may block that card from ever reaching them, but later when they are old enough, you can tell them you sent them a card every year wishing them well and telling them you loved them.

If you left friends behind in the JW organization, you can do the same. With modern social media, it might not be too hard to check in and see where they are and send them a note wishing them well. I realize it might be a big step to do this, because if they are fully indoctrinated JWs, they will view your reaching out as maybe trying to come back to the organization, or that you are pitiful and lonely with no friends.

My suggestion is that you write those notes to friends and family you wish to remain in contact with, however, include a recent photo of yourself doing something fun. Maybe if you have a new spouse or girlfriend or boyfriend, send a photo of yourself with that person. Maybe say something like...we want to wish you a happy holiday season and hope we can meet sometime and catch up on our lives...I am interested in what new things you are doing and hope to let you know some interesting things I am working on and the travels I have taken...something to that effect.

Reaching out is never a bad idea, however, be positive in your communications with any current and active JWs, giving them an idea of how you have moved on stating that you are looking into traveling more, or maybe you have a new job where you are meeting interesting people. Don't fabricate any stories, be honest yet positive in your communications.

At the very worst, they will send you back some JW indoctrination message where they copy from JW literature or the JWs' official website and try and tell you how you are doomed to destruction. So fine, you can just take the message and do nothing with it [don't keep responding or trying to coerce indoctrinated JWs to communicate with you], or you can do a yearly friendly message reaching out to them anyway and let them know you are still around and doing well. Sometimes a current and active JW might soon begin to question their faith and you never know what is going on in their lives. So reaching out with an annual card with a positive message may have a positive effect on them in the future.

Again, if children are involved, I realize that is more difficult. However, I encourage you to write a note, send a card, maybe telephone them if you will not cause problems with an ex-spouse, but let your kids know you are still around, that you are doing well, and that you love them. If you get back hatred from the ex-spouse, then do not respond in kind. Drop it. However, next year, send those cards, letters or notes to your kids even if they never see them or end up in the trash. That's okay, since many things are out of our control. Yet, as the kids grow up they may remember mom or dad sending them cards, trying to contact them, and they may reach out to you when they are adults and can make their own decisions.

It is about thriving and not simply surviving through this holiday season or any time of the year even though you might be labeled as "worldly" since leaving the JWs and you might feel sad or alone. I love to journal, and have many different notepads, journals, even sketch pads that I keep handy, even a small notebook in my purse in case I meet someone and want to jot down information, or someone says something at work that is a good idea I want to remember.

Start keeping your own journal. There are no rules to this. It is your thoughts and feelings, and sometimes drawing pictures is a good way to express yourself if words don't come easy to you.

Now is a good time to write down how you want next year to read, how you want to script your life for next year. Is there a certain job you want? Maybe a sport you want to learn or take some classes to further your education. Anything you can think of to enrich your life will show the people around you that you are not just surviving outside of the JW culture, but are thriving. It will draw people to you, they will want to know what you've been doing, what interests you, and you will start developing a personality that you never could develop while still a JW drone.

Don't let current and indoctrinated JWs make you feel like you made a bad decision when leaving that doomsday cult that goes nowhere but is on an endless treadmill of fear. The organization is not moving forward as they claim, they are on a mouse wheel, accomplishing nothing but rehashing and recycling the same old rhetoric that some God in heaven wants all of us dead if we don't follow the edicts of the JW organization. They do not own God, they do not own the Bible, they are not a "true" religion, the Bible is not the only book or set of texts we can read and adapt for our own lives. Some people suggest that the "Jehovah" mentioned in the Old Testament of the Bible was a God of War, with the true God Jesus appearing in human form on the earth in the New Testament that only preached love and life, not death and destruction.

I also suggest that you don't argue doctrine in any letters you might send to JW family members or friends. The point of communicating with indoctrinated JWs is to spread a positive message, that you are doing okay out here in the big scary world [which isn't really that scary once you decide to join the human race]. If they press you with their archaic and outright wrong policies of the JWs, have a few words to say on the subject and nothing more. For example, ask a JW what the penalty was in the Bible for disobeying the "no blood" policy. Was the penalty death? No it wasn't. What about medical uses of blood in the Bible, what does it say? Nothing, it is silent on that subject. Many fears of using blood for medical purposes was before there was blood-typing, and a person could die in the procedure if the blood types did not match.

But again, don't get bogged down with doctrine since a JW wants you to do just that. They are backward thinkers [if they can think on their own at all], they are not connecting with the spirit of the Bible, of Jesus' own words of love and forgiveness, but are caught up in the God of War in the Bible that killed everyone who disobeyed him. The Bible is filled with metaphors, fables and parables that the JWs take as literal. Fine, that is there choice, but not yours.

If you believe in any God or Source or Higher Power, then research that more and find a belief that makes you happy. No one person or organization has all the answers of why we are here, what our purpose is, or the answer to a host of questions us humans have. Choose life and love over the laws and policies of the indoctrinated JW. Yet, you can show them you are thriving now and will continue to grow and learn while they stay stagnate and do nothing but preach doom and gloom to people, and especially prey on the weak, lonely and disconnected people that they meet in their so-called preaching work.

But that's not you. You have left the JWs and their indoctrination and false teachings. You are thriving in your life right now, and are not simply surviving.